Posted by: Staff | 04.01.2008

BREAKING: Student government deemed illegitimate and unconstitutional; splinter group establishes government in exile

Early this morning, a splinter group calling itself “OCDS” announced its intention to challenge the legitimacy of the existing student government. It claims that the Wilmot administration has flagrantly ignored several crucial tenets of the Student Council Constitution. On these grounds, OCDS has declared the existing student government illegitimate, and moved forward with establishing a government in exile.

Among the claims made by OCDS in their press release are the following:

1. Article Five, governing modification and amendment of the Constitution, states: “Every year the current Student Council must review and vote to re-approve this constitution so that it remains an active document.” OCDS claims to have evidence that yearly reviews and re-ratifications are not taking place. The fact that the Constitution was drafted by the Student Council of the 1995–1996 school year and modified just once by the Student Council of 2002-2003 supports their position.

2. Article Five also states: “A copy of this document will be given to each member of Council at the start of the school year.” OCDS claims to have evidence that this is not happening.

3. Article Five concludes with: “Additionally, a copy will be posted prominently on the bulletin board of the main hallway of the school so the student body may view the rules and regulations their elected officials are subject to.” Even since far before the repainting, there appears to be no posted copy of the Constitution. (It is also inappropriate to end the sentence—and thus the entire Constitution—in a preposition.)

4. OCDS is furthermore adamant that the existing system of voting for student representatives, as laid out in Articles III and IV, is generally weak and suffers from a serious transparency deficiency, particularly concerning the meaningfulness of second- and third-place votes.

The press release asserts that these issues are not particular to any single administration, but endemic in the entire system.

In addition to rectifying the above grievances, OCDS has outlined several other goals:

1. To reverse the trend toward use of the initialism “BCDS” in place of “Beaver.”

2. To explore a strategic alliance with Beaver’s traditional ally the Chestnut Hill School in order to counteract Brimmer and May’s recent construction of fortified underground bunkers.

3. To increase funding to groups such the Science and Engineering Club for use in weapons and defense research projects.

While the provisional government currently lacks a head of state, OCDS has nominated minor celebrity and Beaver expatriate Rob Kotzen.

The current student government has yet to respond to the statements made by OCDS.

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Responses

  1. In all the decisions I have made in my public life, I have always tried to do what was best for the Nation:Beaver. Throughout the long and difficult period of Watergate…I mean the OCDS takeover, I have felt it was my duty to persevere, to make every possible effort to complete the term of office to which you elected me.

    In the past few days, however, it has become evident to me that I no longer have a strong enough political base to justify continuing that effort.

  2. a…what?

  3. Oh, it’s a prank.

    How funny.

  4. Although I’d like to point out that every comment about the constitution is true… 🙂

  5. vote Nader

  6. Should we overthrow the Bellot-Wilmot regime? Clearly they’re not stable.

  7. Let it be known that this type of rebellious talk shall not be tolerated and that the Bellot-Wilmot regieme (in that order cause Jared clearly runs the show)will crack down on this OCDS and the Beaver Reader in general for allowing this type of slander to be published.


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