Posted by: Staff | 04.01.2008

Missing tennis courts found at 44° N, 69° W, altitude of 248 ft.

TOPH TUCKER ‘08

After reporting on the mysterious disappearance of the Beaver tennis courts last September, we are happy to announce that Beaver Reader investigators may have located three of the four courts in a lonely neck of the woods eighteen miles north of Augusta, Maine. (For satellite imagery of the courts-in-hiding, click here.)

The courts’ motive remains unclear. Witnesses deny that the courts ever expressed any discontent or displeasure with Beaver, although at least one close friend admitted that certain portions of the courts were “depressed… and thus prone to poor drainage.” The courts are thought to be working in concert with a green backboard, whose whereabouts remain unknown.

It is also our sad duty to report that the fourth court may have suffered a fate too terrible to comprehend. It was last seen struggling to cross the Piscataqua River Bridge by stunned commuters on I-95. “The current there is pretty strong, and tennis courts aren’t known for their ability to swim,” stated one investigator, who asked to remain anonymous.

If anyone has any information regarding the disappearance or whereabouts of the courts or their associates, please contact The Beaver Reader at our Missing Courts Hotline: 1-888-548-0034.

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