Posted by: Staff | 05.16.2008

Ask Coop No. 2: Crushes, Cats, and a Reminder

ALI COOPER ’09

Helloooo Beaver! Remember me?! I’ve been checking my “Ask Coop” column every day, but I’m sooo lonely as I’ve gotten no recent posts. I know that we’re all stressed with finals coming up. I know we’re all freaking out that our beloved seniors are off on senior project. But seriously. No one has any problems in need of solutions? No questions in need of answers?! We are high school students! Were BEAVER high school students! Plenty of drama to go around, people!

Ask me a question by adding a comment onto this article, or even slip a note into my box at school!

Below are the responses to the two most recent posts. They are a bit strange, so enjoy!

————————-
Dear Coop

I am in love with my teacher. I know its completely inappropriate but I cant help it. He’s perfect. I think about him constantly.What should I do?

Sincerely
Classroom Crush

Dear Classroom Crush,

GO FOR EXTRA HELP AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.

Just kidding. Bottom line: you can’t control who you’re crushin’ on. My only advice is: don’t act on your feelings…it will end horribly. It sucks to have to contain your feelings, especially if they are as strong as you say, but I don’t think you have much of a choice in this case! As long as all evidence (hearts with his and your initials in them, sketchy love notes, etc.) has been hidden and/or destroyed, your only worry should be trying to contain yourself in his class…

Good luck!
Coop

Dear Coops,

I used to have a certain penchant for felines. With years of grooming, petting, nursing, and feeding has come a certain progression of my feelings towards these cats. No longer do I take quick glances to check on my little furry friend. I stare longingly into her eyes, her blue pearl eyes, hoping that she too will stare into my eyes.

But she never does. She would rather invest herself in a game of “untangle the ball of yarn.” One day, I hid the ball of yarn, and watched her struggle to find it. When she finally gave up, she focused her attention back on me, and I, conversely, focused my eyes on her. Yes, sadly, I had to resort to a game of “hard to get” to entice her, but in the end, it was all for a good cause.

Coop, I am writing you this letter because I just don’t know what to do anymore. How do you express love to a friend for whom you clean the litter box? Please help me!

Sincerely,
Changing


Dear Changing,

I…I just…I think this one goes a little beyond me………

Sorry,
Coop

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Responses

  1. Dear Coop,

    I just bought a pair of those ridiculous sunglasses from Urban Outfitters. While I think that they are incredible (they are the huge ones that cover half of your face and are overly embellished) others seem to disagree with me. Can I please wear my sunglasses in peace!??!? Should I chuck them? Help!!

    LOVEMAHSHADES

  2. Coop,
    Do you believe in free will?

    Sincerely,
    CanNotThinkOfaCleverName

  3. Hey Coop,

    So Um, I was just meeting my uncle Scar and he told me to stand on this rock. I did. And then all of a sudden a stampede of wildebeests came at me out of nowhere and well…to summarize I ended up killing my dad. I feel really bad. How can I get over such an ordeal?

    Help!


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